Teresa Guidice (Photo by David Bergeland)
Teresa Guidice (Photo by David Bergeland)
Posted: Tuesday May 22, 2012, 10:22 AM
"Housewives" Recap: Tantrums and Teresa
By Virginia Rohan of The Record

Where would “RHONJ” be without Teresa Giudice? Who would drive the action? What would everyone else talk about?

Once again, the Montville woman and her family provided the only real drama of the evening. The first moment came while she was in the car with Joe. (She was driving, because, remember, Juicy is facing a potential 10 years in prison for allegedly using his brother’s identity to fraudulently obtain a driver’s license when his own was suspended). Teresa starts to report what happened at last week’s pool party, but Joe erupts, “I’m done with these people. I can’t stand them.” And later: “When I say something, shut up.” Teresa’s brother could no longer come to their home, Juicy said, and the same would go for anyone else in the family, even her parents, if they tried to get around him. “I’ll end up leaving you as well,” he threatened.

Queen of Denial Teresa tries to pass it all off on the fact that her husband’s a Gemini and later claims, “Joe and I, knock on wood, hardly ever fight.”

In other non-news, Joe Gorga, Teresa’s brother, and Rich Wakile go to the gym, where Joe is having second thoughts about having called his sister an “f-in bitch” at the party. These two gossipy guys seem to have more free time than any other rich and supposedly successful men on TV. Joe claims that he sent his sister a text the next day. She claims he never reached out to her.

Jacqueline, the richest in free time, decides to have a game day. So, of course, this calls for a shopping trip with Lauren Manzo, to buy new sports clothes. Says Jacqueline, “Now that Ashley’s not here, Lauren can be my substitute daughter.” Wow. We saw how well that other parenting situation worked out.

Lauren’s big issue this season, of course, is that she’s trying to lose weight. Her father, who had lap-band surgery to reduce his heft, is the only one who understands Lauren, everyone says. “Lauren is Albert in a dress,” Caroline tells the camera.

Jacqueline calls Teresa to make sure she’s coming to the game day. Teresa, speaking into her glittery phone, says yes. In the background, baby Audriana is playing with Mama’s makeup while nobody’s watching. Good thing she got hold of the makeup kit instead of the kitchen knives.

It’s decided that Juicy will take the three younger girls to the Shore, and Teresa will take Gia to Jacqueline’s. But nobody’s going anywhere before 10-year-old Gia gets her mother to commit to a bra-shopping trip. So, off they go to WOB Lingerie (probably the Wyckoff store), where there are more jokes about Gia not yet having “boobies.” There’s also a (still theoretical) discussion of Tampons vs. pads, with Teresa saying that her mother would not let her use Tampons until after she was married.

At Jacqueline’s, game day turns sour when Gia accuses her Uncle Joe of cheating, no doubt thankfully (in their view) providing Caroline and Jacqueline an opportunity to attack a new generation of Giudices.

“Gia is very, very angry,” Caroline pronounces. “They learn what they live.”

To be sure, Gia is mouthy to her elders. But this kid has a lot going on. She’s no doubt heard rumors about a different kind of cheating (allegedly involving her father). And in her brief decade on earth, she’s had to deal with a whole lot of drama. So, leave the kid alone.

But no. This is a TV show, and we need more drama. And it’s a shame that a little kid has to become a player in that.

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