In the end, the Incredible Hulk was no match for the Detestable Lampanelli. After weeks of fighting off firing with the argument that he gave “110 percent,” Lou Ferrigno got a pink slip. Lisa Lampanelli, who’d been calling Lou a “loser” for weeks, was able to convince Donald Trump that Lou was the one who had to go.
The challenge this week was to create a 60 second commercial for entertainment.com, the discount-coupon company. Once again, the teams were to be judged on creativity, product integration and brand messaging.
Teresa Giudice stepped up to be project manager of a team that included Arsenio Hall, Aubrey O’Day, Clay Aiken and Paul Teutul Sr. Even though Arsenio and Aubrey had gotten into a row in the last episode, and she had seemed to walk off, they patched up their differences and decided to move forward. The concept they all agreed upon was that Paul would play a grumpy old guy who was cutting coupons in one room while his daughter (Aubrey) was behind closed doors with her boyfriend (an actor) in the next room. The young couple were throwing around double intendres, which all had to do with using the Internet to find coupons. But the dad thought something else was going on and barged into the room. All ended well when the daughter taught the father to give up his “old fashioned” ways.
For this task, Teresa got Paul to cover up his heavily-tattooed arms with a staid shirt, let stylists (and colorists) work with his hair and moustache, don old-fogey glasses and take out his earring for the shoot. The transformation was pretty amazing, and Paul was quite amusing in the video.
“He put sleeves on for me. Can you believe it?” Teresa later squealed. She directed the video and discovered that she loved to say “Action.” Apart from that, she didn’t seem to have a handle on what a director actually does.
Meanwhile, over on Misery Island — where any celebrity finds himself or herself with Lampanelli as a teammate — Dayana Mendoza volunteered to be project manager. And Lampanelli, who has savaged Dayana at every turn, suddenly acted all sweet around her and they formed an alliance. The idea was to hire two actors to play a young couple who used entertainment.com from their courtship days through the point where he proposed they have a baby. Lisa thought it was adorable, probably because she mostly wrote it. But frankly, it was a so-so effort. Penn Gillette once again gave his all for some hours, then headed out for a gig. He came back in time for the boardroom fireworks.
In front of Trump and two of his kids, Lou and Lampanelli got into it right away, with him saying, “Lisa’s lucky not to be a man tonight, because I would throw her right through that wall.” (Not sure even Lou is strong enough to tackle that linebacker.) Lampanelli screamed at him for threatening her, then said, “Get ready for an elevator ride, Lou” (as in, taking the elevator down after getting fired.)
Lou brought up that when he and Dayana returned to the apartment after the last firing, and Lampanelli saw that they’d been spared, she called Lou an “[expletive] loser.” She shot back, “If you threaten me again, there’s gonna be a problem.”
Trump showed both commercials to the teams assembled in the boardroom. Lou made what the Trumps considered to be a major breach when The Donald asked him which commercial he thought was better and he said the other team’s. The Trumps later accused Lou of showing no loyalty, and Lampanelli called him a traitor. She also had many more nasty things to say about him, such as “Lou, you added nothing. You added muscle. You carried some props.”
Simply put….LAMPANELLI IS ONE OF THE MOST OBNOXIOUS PEOPLE I HAVE EVER SEEN ON TV.
And yet, nobody ever really calls her out in the boardroom for how vicious and divisive she has been. And while Arsenio, Clay and Paul often point out on screen that she has lost many, many challenges, would someone please bring that up and hammer away at it in front of the Trumps?
Dayana gave Penn a pass on the firing squad, because he hadn’t really been there for most of the task. (Strange logic, perhaps, but that was her decision.) Despite having been brutalized by Lampanelli for weeks, Dayana did not try to get rid of her when she had a chance. And so, while she took she Lampanelli, as well as Lou, to the boardroom with her, it was Lou who heard the words, “You’re fired.”
“Take it back. I don’t want to be fired,” he said to Trump, in a wincingly pathetic moment. But the Hulk had to skulk away. He’d lost the best TV gig he’d had in decades.
Meanwhile, Teresa — whose name the Trumps for some reason pronounce “Te-Ray-Sa” — not only won $60,000 for her charity, The NephCare Foundation, which supports research for a cure for kidney disease. She also got kudos.
“She’s probably the nicest woman on this side of the table,” Clay said, when all the players were gathered.
If Teresa survives next week’s firing squad, she will simultaneously appear in two major shows from 10 to 11 p.m. on Sunday, April 22: The second half of “The Celebrity Apprentice” on NBC and “The Real Housewives of New Jersey” on Bravo. That’s when the latter show returns for its fourth season.
As Ter-Ray-Sa herself might say, “Are you kidding me?”